Gene-isms

I work with a guy who is a cross between Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield - everyday conversation is merely a setup for a joke. Here are some of his priceless oneliners.

If steamboats were two for a nickel I couldn't afford a whistle.

I couldn't get lucky in a henhouse with a bucket full of corn.

Doesn't that jar your preserves.

Doesn't that bake your cookies.

I've seen better heads on a boil.

I thought it was an oyster but it's not. (you have to say it out loud to find it funny)

Girls who eat sweets get big seats.

I feel like 2 cents waiting for change.

I didn't know he smoked till he grabbed my butt.

I should work for the CIO, everyone I see I owe.

I'm in the twilight of a mediocre career.

If God had wanted me to work he would have given me some skills.

It's so nice out, I think I'll leave it out.

I opened up the window and influenza.

Yesterday she had those jitterbug drawers on, they were in the groove.

Today she has the Indian drawers on, they're creeping up.

I'm in really good shape for the shape I'm in.

The 2 best balls I hit all day were when I stepped on the rake in the sandtrap.

He's got more chins than a Chinese phone book

In response to a guy growing a beard: Why are you cultivating it there when it grows wild on your ass?